I’ve found myself in a holding pattern and trying to be still. Trying to listen for my next steps. Trying to blot out all the white noise and chaos so I can hear what I’m supposed to do.

But it’s so hard to hear over the loud, raging emotions spewing from inside me. Emotions that are tied to many, many years of the same old behavior and issues from the same old people. And now after many, many years of unnecessary drama, I’ve come to a close. I’m done.

The question now is, “Where do you go from here?”

Oh, I know exactly where. I know exactly what I want and need to do, but those actions may be out of line with my purpose. Those actions are possibly out of line with God’s grace. And the worst place I never want to be is where God isn’t. Sounds like an oxymoron, considering God is everywhere.

But I won’t go there and get all spiritual on you. So let’s just say sometimes we do things we shouldn’t do, only to end up worse off than we were. I don’t want to be worse off. So I’m holding off. Trying to align my human self with my spiritual self and operate from that space instead of the space of raging, negative emotions.
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Which brings me to where I am. On hold. Silent. Listening for my next steps.

And my question to you is, when you find yourself in a holding pattern, how long are you able to hold before you shatter and break?

(Note to self: Thank God NaNoWriMo starts next week. It’ll be a much needed distraction.)

Photo by Marcus 74id