When forgiveness is required, automatically we think it’s because of wrong doings others inflict upon us or wrong doings we inflict upon others.
Rarely do we think in terms of forgiveness as it relates to what we inflict upon ourselves.
When I saw this photo it made me think of my relationship with myself. I wondered how good am I at forgiving myself and if I am truly the rain in my relationship with myself? After all, we are our own worst critics. We criticize, badger, belittle, condemn, and pass judgment on ourselves way too much. So today I took some time to be the rain—to cleanse, wash away and forgive myself for:
- nursing old wounds instead of allowing them to heal
- expecting too much from myself
- expecting too little from myself
- ignoring my needs to please others
- ignoring others when I don’t feel the need to please
- being a nighttime comfort food eater
- being a participant on the roller coaster weight loss/gain plan
- not acknowledging my strength, my intellect, my humor
- sometimes forgetting to rely on my spiritual power
- bouts of being inauthentic while craving authenticity
- not always using my time wisely and effectively
- hiding from my family when I’m not in a “family friendly” mood
- hiding from my friends when I’m not in a “friend friendly” mood
- focusing too much on future goals instead of enjoying current blessings
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There you have it. My rain list. But here’s the thing, I’ll have to do it all over again tomorrow because I’ll have a new list of things to cleanse and forgive. Of course, it’s an ongoing process. And until I can reach consistent unconditional love and forgiveness for myself, I’m pretty sure there’ll always be a rain list.
What about you? Are you the rain? Can you cleanse, wash away, and forgive yourself?
NOTE: This is a remix of a previous blog post I wrote two years ago and found it still relevant today (and always) because I was sitting in my office wallowing in my own pity party not knowing what to do. I eventually realized wallowing in pity serves nothing and no one so I decided to be the rain to cleanse and forgive myself. I tweaked this post a bit from the original but the message is still the same.
I could seriously just copy and paste your list, then add about a dozen more reasons why I am often my own worst enemy. Thank you for this reminder. It was much needed.
Reese that’s funny about copying and pasting the same list. Some of the stuff on there is so universal to all of us. Glad to have been a reminder to you and to myself.
I am glad you remixed this post. Rain washing is a daily intention of mine, because it’s not worth the hurt when we don’t forgive ourselves or acknowledge who we are. It also helps when I think that it is not only harmful to me, but that it also hurts God when we don’t forgive ourselves since he loves us and has sacrificed so much for us.
When I hear me calling myself those degrading and self-depreciating names, I do ask for forgiveness from God who helps me in my self-cleansing. 🙂
Nancy, what you said is very true. And it definitely isn’t worth the hurt we feel when we don’t forgive ourselves. God does help the self-cleansing. In fact, cleansing can’t be effectively done without Him.
Demetria, you are always in my head. You always find a way to put the right words into what I am truly thinking about. Each and everyday I try to be the “rain,” but as you said, there is a different list the next day. But I can honestly say I am getting better. Oh, about your list, I now know why we are such good friends and why we understand each other.
Sharon I guess from your last sentence you can totally relate to my rain list. Of course we are often times two peas in the pod of understanding, which definitely keeps our friendship standing.
Demetria,
Sometimes it’s good to go back and pull out the things of the past to see how they apply today. Where am I now in relation to then? Although scenarios may be different, the cleansing showers of forgiveness are always welcome.
It reminds me of my dog, who is terrified of rainstorms. It doesn’t even have to be storming…a few drops on the roof and he’s cowering in the bathroom until I go in and hold tight to his trembling body, reassuring him that “Daddy is here.” He doesn’t seem to understand that the rain is just as life-giving as the sun.
Perhaps he thinks that the sun will never come out again…never again will it provide warmth and comfort in which to play ball and chase rabbits and laze in the midday rays.
So we sit on the cold bathroom floor, my arms around him, my voice soothing with platitudes, my gentle touch calming his fears.
This is not unlike our own heavenly Father. When sunny days are plentiful, we frolic and laze in the warm bliss of the afternoon shine.
But the rain is just as necessary. It clears the air and nourishes life. It cleanses the filth of the day’s pollution. We may resist, cursing the weather while longing for the sun, but our Father is there to hold us tight, soothe our souls, and remind us that this is just as necessary…if we only can recognize and allow it.
We may tremble in the rain, fearful of what it brings, or we can appreciate it to be the water of renewed life that it is.
Mike, the rain is definitely just as important as the sun. Life is dependent upon a sufficient amount of both.
Just like your dog, we’re all cowering on the bathroom floors of life hoping/waiting for the soothing hands of God in those moments where we feel like the sun won’t shine on us again.
I was having one of those sunless moments the day I published this post, but then I remembered to be the rain (the power of rain) to soothe my soul.
Hello Demetria,
Funny. My rain list looks a lot like yours. I confess…I looked over your shoulder and copied the whole thing.
One thing for sure, the pleasers of the world need a break from time to time. Superman has the Fortress of Solitude, Batman has the Batcave, Wolverine has the local watering hole, Wonder Woman has the Shoe Store…okay, okay, that was a totally sexist comment, I admit!
Okay, Joe, stop looking over my shoulder…..get your own list, you moocher.
And yes that Wonder Woman remark was totally sexist, and totally true. We Wonder Women need our shoe stores. 😉
I really liked your post! It gave me a different perspective on rain. I have to forgive myself everyday for being my own worst critic. I recently saw tears as a way of cleansing, too. After they fall, you feel better about the situation that caused them to flow.
I will piggyback on Reese’s answer and say that your list closely matches mine with more to add on. The main thing for me is to forgive myself for not being who my family, friends, or society wants me to be and forgiving myself for speaking up when my boundaries are crossed.
I think we just need to have more compassion toward ourselves. Life is not about perfection, but growing through our imperfections.
Demetria– How is it that you manage to write, post after post, of words that speak to my heart? You are so right and the comments reflect the raw nerve you hit within all of us to be as kind and compassionate on ourselves as we extend to others.
By the way, I’m reading a book and have thought of you several times because the author is so good at writing about heart issues, like you. It’s A Year By The Sea, by Joan Anderson.
Alexandra, we totally need to have more compassion towards ourselves, and it’s so sad how little of it we give ourselves. Also, I love your last sentence because it’s so true on so many levels……..”life is not about perfection but growing through our imperfections.”
Julie, what a huge difference it would make in our lives if we did extend to ourselves that same level of kindness and compassion we extend to others. Unfortunately we always seem to shortchange ourselves.
Also that book sounds like my type of read. I love stuff like that. Heart/soul stuff seems to be a common ground of interest you and I share so I’ll definitely have to check out “A Year by The Sea.”
The last paragraph of Alexandra’s comment, says it all. Kudos to Alexandra!!
“…we just need to have more compassion toward ourselves. Life is not about perfection, but growing through our imperfections”
We are all truly a work in progress.
Starla, I totally agree. And stop mooching my comments, I said that exact same thing about Alexandra. But you took it up a notch and dished out the kudos. Stop showing out, sista girl. I do know where you live. 🙂