We all know it’s best to bridle our tongue in situations where the tongue wants to run rampant.
Where it wants to insult, belittle, or attack others and say things we simply ought not say.
When we don’t bridle our tongues we almost always develop the well known “foot-in-mouth” disease.
But the one thing I’m noticing about bridling our tongue is. . . . . . it’s all a crock of sh##.
Let me explain.
With the test on an cheap sildenafil individual’s endurance Sports Physical Therapy you can simply refer to it as the reasonable costs along with some extra free pills from our online pharmacy and try for yourself. We are fortunate to have the same brand have navigate to this pharmacy purchase generic levitra flooded the market. our robertrobb.com generico levitra on line Oral jelly contains same ingredients and dose as contained by tablets. Focusing on data confronts staff with hard evidence that may challenge existing perceptions of success; discrepancies raise sharp questions about what is happening and why. http://robertrobb.com/?iid=5001 generic levitra online For the most part, I’ve gotten plenty good at taming my tongue. When I’m in a situation where someone says or does something to provoke, devalue, or enrage me and I want to give them a cold, harsh tongue-lashing, I can typically (not always) take a deep breath and detach from the situation—both physically and mentally—by either walking away or verbally disengaging them (ignore them).
Yet the pain they’ve caused me to feel does not detach. The pain gets categorized into levels of hurt—from slightly hurt to massive hurt—then lodges itself within me to build walls of anger and resentment.
To bridle means to exercise control or restraint; but when we restrain we sometimes create a toxic grudge inside ourselves that’s waiting to erupt at any given moment. Or it creates displaced anger where we lash out at someone else instead of the one who initially caused our anger. When controlling our tongue we also have to control the toxic waste being dumped on us from that negative situation.
That’s why I said bridling our tongue can be a crock of sh##. Especially when we don’t also bridal the impact of the situation. How you allow it to impact you is how it will be deposited in you. Bridling my tongue is rendered useless if I allow your toxic waste to build up in me. I have to control the toxic waste.
You have to truly let go of the negative effect it has on you by recognizing the hurt, processing the hurt, and releasing the hurt. Don’t allow it to fester. Bridle it by releasing it.
Yes, that’s easier said than done, and yes it takes a massive amount of inner work to achieve it. But it’s achievable. And though I can achieve it in certain situations, there are so many other situations where I fail miserably and I become a toxic waste site. The good news, though, is I’m very much aware of it and making strides to get better at it.
Therefore, always remember there’re two parts to a bridled tongue—restrain and release. Both parts have to be executed in order for it to be truly effective.
Photo by Farconville
Wow…have I been going through the same. As a writer, I know how to use words and can have a razor-sharp tongue, but I try to hold it. Try. I’m not always successful.
Lately, with caregiving and other household issues, I’ve had to bridle things, otherwise it can get heated – fast! And very out-of-hand.
Unfortunately, bridling only causes that discontent to leak out more severely than it should someplace else.
So yes…speak your mind at the time to speak. Otherwise, it may fester and someone innocent may feel your wrath.
And by the way…sh## is bridling. Shit. Say it. 🙂
What another great subject “Bridle my tongue”. Put it this way I am so much better at it now that I am older. I just walk away and hope that person does not continue to anger me. But sometimes you just need to let that person know in the most professional way you know how. People already think I am mean because they say I have a look on my face that says “BACK OFF”. So that is how I avoid saying the wrong things. But I am still a work in progress, depending on the person,time and subject.
Okay, Mike, I’ve already said I miss seeing your face next to your comments, what’s with the new gravatar? So ‘splain yo’self, Mr. Swift.
Also, it’s so true how things can quickly get out of hand if we don’t learn the art of bridling our tongues.
That’s not to say we shouldn’t speak our minds or let people bulldoze over us, but we should speak in a manner that doesn’t escalate the situation. And we definitely shouldn’t allow the situation to build up toxic walls within us.
Sharon, I’m fully aware of your infamous “Back off” look. I’ve seen you zing many a people with it. I have that same look, so I’m wondering if I got it from years of hanging around you. 🙂
Also, like you, I’ve gotten better with age at bridling my tongue. But of course we have our moments of slip ups, and it definitely depends upon the person, time, and subject. Those elements are a HUGE factor in how we react.
All we can do is live, learn and try not to slap somebody!!!
Hey D! I have missed you… Either you haven’t been writing much or I have not been getting notifications of it??? I love this blog- it is so well said. Something I have really been struggling with. I am usually a good “bridler- is that a word- but this toxic waste is a BIG problem. I need to work on releasing it instead of just holding it in…
I hope you are doing good. Call me if you want to grab a bite sometime.I would love to catch up with you~
S
Hi Susan! Where have you been hiding? I’ve missed you and your zany, heartfelt comments over here. Welcome back.
Also, don’t be a bridler who’s a toxic waste site. Restrain and release, my friend.
Thanks for dropping back in on us here. I’ve missed you.
Restrain the tongue, release the fingers. A journal makes a fantastic toxic waste dump. You’ve reminded me that I should keep one.
Erica, a private journal is a great way to recognize, process, and release the hurt. At least for those who’re able to keep a journal.
I’m always skeptical about unleashing my feelings in a journal for fear it’ll end up in the wrong hands. That’s probably why I can never be consistent in writing a journal.
I process my hurt through prayer and meditation. That way I don’t have to worry about others reading my personal feelings.
That’s why I can’t do it on my own strength. There are so many Bible verses about controlling your tongue. One verse out of many is Proverbs 21:23 “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”
It’s something I’m weak in, but in Him I am strong. He keeps me in check. I love the book of James in the Bible because it talks about how the tongue is so destructive. God must know what a struggle it is because He references it a lot.
Here’s my truth (I realize it isn’t for everyone). If I do let myself go, speak harshly in anger, I always regret it. I try, try, try to give myself a few days, and then express things in “I feel” so that I’m not attacking but expressing my hurt or concerns. I have yet to find completely unbridled responses to be edifying for me or anyone else. I think every personality deals with it differently though or has a different outlook on it.
Ellen, bridling my tongue does me no good if I keep holding on to the pain and discomfort of it. It’s definitely something we can’t do in our own humaness, and takes Divine intervention.
Julie, you’re right people do deal with it differently but it all creates the same toxic results inside of us if we let it build up and fester. Like you, I give myself a day or more of cool down time, too.
I believe that saying is meant for people who cause those hurt feelings, especially those who don’t realize they’re hurting someone when they’re saying it. Calming yourself down before responding is another way to do that, but I don’t think that by ignoring your feelings and refusing to respond to people who’ve hurt you is wise or what is meant by “bridling your tongue.”
Honoring yourself by responding to someone’s hurtful statements is a responsibility we have to ourselves and to God, as anything that hurts us also hurts God. It could also show the person that they’ve cause hurtful feelings and they need to “bridle their tongue” before speaking. That’s a lesson I’ve learned – a hard lesson only because I didn’t realize I was causing someone to feel hurt and embarrassed. I thought I was only being funny, until she told me otherwise in private. God bless her.
Nancy I definitely agree you shouldn’t ignore your feelings or refuse to respond to people who’ve hurt you. Doing so is what causes a grudge to form and also creates the toxic buildup inside of you.
Always honor yourself by responding appropriately, but bridle the tongue if your response is going to be hurtful, attacking, or demeaning. The key is if you’re going to bridle your tongue, make sure you also release the negative impact the situation has on you. Restrain and release. One without the other is ineffective.
As the saying goes, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
I must admit, I hold back a lot, which definitely is not good because the waste builds up. Before I know it, I have an explosion that ends up being counter-productive and hurtful, kind of like a nuclear reactor. So this is something that I really have to work at.
Melissa, I’ve had plenty of explosions, too. That’s why bridling the tongue can be a crock of sh**. It’s the waste buildup a lot of us have to work on. I wish you well on your quest for working on it.
Demetria,
Try this home remedy. Take all that toxic sludge and pour it in a bathtub. Then give yourself a toxic sludge bath, which will harden your skin like Achilles being dipped into the river Styx. Eegawd, I am mixing metaphors like crazy!
I wish it would be that easy to let the harsh words repel off our armor skin. Maybe that’s where the Achilles heel came from?
Joseph, I’m not so sure about your home remedies. A toxic sludge bath? That’s just gross. So so gross. Although, hardened skin to repel the waste would be nice.
I hope you’re not passing out home remedies to those kids you teach. 🙂
Demetria, another great topic! I used to hold back and allow that waste to gather inside. What I’ve learned over some years is that there is was to say anything to anyone and it truly depends on the situation. If I’m dealing with family or friends who deserve a “harsh tongue-lashing” I tend to carefully choose my words and still get my point across. If I’m in a situation where I’m not so close with that individual, then I can (most of the time) take your approach and ignore them.
At times however, when I’m alone in my car or at home I do find myself giving that person a verbal beat down. I really let them have it and I can cuss real good!
Randy, I do the verbal beat down alone in my car or at home, too. It’s a very helpful technique in venting and releasing the toxins without anyone getting hurt. Except for the steering wheel which I’ll fist bash, and the innocent items at home I’ll throw across the room. Otherwise, no one gets hurt and I get a much needed burst of toxic release.
Thanks for bringing that up. I’m sure lots of people do the same.
I’m usually one to walk away……and know time will heal the feelings caused by the situation. But sometimes it’s truly a difficult thing to do.
Yes, Starla, it can be a truly difficult thing to do, but it’s a necessity if we want to stay sane in an insane world.
Although, you’re in your own little wacky world, so it may not apply to you, my friend. 🙂
I found myself shaking my head like a bobble doll as I read through your post. I have the problem of imploding inside due to holding my tongue. I learned the hard way that I was hurting only myself. So I’m stepping up to the mic whenever I feel a boundary is being crossed. I just have to learn how to speak more gracefully when I do it.
Alexandra, welcome and thanks for visiting. Yes, imploding does become a problem when we restrain but don’t release. Good for you for stepping up to the mic when boundaries are crossed.