Okay, here’s the thing. I know when I’m out of line. I know when I’ve said one too many things or have stepped over the boundaries—most times. And then there are those times when you get that look. That— “I can’t believe she said that”— look. Or that awkward silence after you speak.
It’s the silence that makes you rush to replay your last sentence in your head. Hoping to find the flaw that caused the silence or the look. But to you, there is no flaw. To you, what you said was perfectly fine. To you, all is well and right with the world. Therefore, the awkwardness is their problem not yours. Right?
Wrong. This is considered a disconnect. A break in the flow. A cause for pause—which was caused by you. But it’s not the disconnect that concerns me. It’s the dance. Do you ever get tired of dancing around people? Hoping not to offend, put off, or disconnect them? Always trying to figure out what’s the politically correct thing to say or do.
Don’t lie. I know you do. We all do. But it’s a part of life. The part where we have to be polite, courteous, and considerate of others. Yet that doesn’t make the dance any less annoying. That doesn’t mean it simply doesn’t suck. It sucks—most of the time.
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And it’s exhausting. Especially if you’ve been dancing all day long. By the end of the day, all the bobbing and weaving leaves me emotionally spent and I have to retreat. To fold within myself and ward off social contact. To submerge in a moment of quiet to redirect, reflect, and recuperate in order to prepare for tomorrow’s dance.
Because who are we if we’re unable to dance? Unable to be polite, courteous, and considerate of others.
*This post is part of the month-long blog theme “Remixing May“
You are so right. I do a lot of back peddling trying to soften something I just said and it IS exhausting.
Lynn, exhausting indeed. Even though we may have good intentions, sometimes our intentions aren’t delivered well in our words. I dance alot because sometimes my words can come off a little harsh when I don’t mean them to be.
It’s a fine line to be free to speak, yet still remain PC all the time.
This used to run my life. But now I just say, “Screw it.” I usually speak kindly, so if I make a faux pas, then those who know me will love me anyway!
Mike, you’re so correct about that fine line and I’m often on the wrong side of it. But I, too, am at the “screw it” point in my life when I make a faux pas because I know I meant well.
I spent my early years being sensitive, even if I didn’t outwardly display hurt feelings. I’ve grown a much tougher skin, but since that’s part of my nature, I don’t find it quite so challenging to be mindful of what might be upsetting to others. (My husband and I are complete opposites in this respect.)
However, as in introvert (masquerading as an extrovert) I am drained by a long day of interacting with others and I need some quiet time to recharge my batteries so I’ll be ready for the next round.
Interesting post d… I feel like I do the Dance so much I don’t know how to Ever stop. I am so sensitive to folks – rarely do I slip. Don’t mean that bragging but it’s like I go thru conversations with antenna strapped on. So there is still disconnect- only it’s internal. I would like to actually have more disconnect , if it could be done in a positive manner .i am do tired of carrying the disconnect on the inside…
Reese, I completely understand that introvert masquerading as an extrovert. I do that all the time and like you I’m drained by all the interaction with others and often need to unplug.
Susan, I think I need one of your antennas strapped on me for good measure, so I can be like you and rarely ever slip. That would be so wonderful if it could come as second nature to me like that. But it so doesn’t.
I totally understand what you are saying! I am an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. I feel like I have been doing it all of my adult life. Let me just say, “I am tired.” That is why everyday I can’t wait to get home in my own little world, where I am free to just be me, without the dance. Now that I have this new position at work,I feel like I am dancing double time.
Sharon, I think our introverted personalities are one of the major ties that binds our friendship. We speak the same language, my sister, masquerade and all. Now stop all that dancing over there in your new position.
It seems like so much of a hassle, until someone says something to you that makes you pause or give them that look. Then it’s easier to see why we need to do that dance. It’s even easier to see, though, if when we miss a step they could think of something to say to us to make us understand that we stomped on their foot, especially if they say it in a way that keeps the dance going. 🙂
Nancy, it is easier to see and understand the need for the dance when the shoe is on the other foot and we’re the ones made to pause or give “the look” to someone for what they said to us. Either way, the dance is just so exhausting.
I will always gladly err on the side of being over-sensitive in how I speak to others. You just never know what’s on their life plate and what may crush or send them into a spiral. I’d rather have my words be uplifting and encouraging. That said, I’m trying to be better about learning how to speak up for myself and not be a doormat either. I guess again, even here, I’d rather on being over-considerate to others than over-worried about myself. Not sure what that means for me…
Julie, you’re right that you never know what someone is going through and how it only takes one negative word or action to crush someone’s spirit. Therefore, consideration of others is essential in life, but not to the point where we obsess over it.
I feel like as long as I know my heart and intentions are coming from a good place, I’m not going to obsess over if something I’ve said/done angers or hurts someone. Because the fact is, you’re never going to be able to please everyone.
I truly wish I was a bit more like that Demetria and am finding as I get older, I’m getting better at that. I need to hang out with you and see if some of that calm assurance will rub off on me!
Ha! Julie, the only thing that would rub off of me onto you is a butt load of crazy! I have plenty of that to go around. 🙂
There are some people who I always have to dance around, but luckily most people are totally understanding of my awkward nature 🙂
Jennie, the ones who are totally understanding are the most pleasant ones to be around. With them you don’t have to walk on eggshells.
Ahhhh….the “disconnected dance”. I’m beginning to believe the good old dance is another reason why I enjoy being home so much. Me and hubby have become such home-bodies as we age. Not much dancing there.
Me, too, Starla about preferring to be home more as I get older to avoid a whole lot of unnecessary dancing. By nature, I think introverts are home-bodies, but I’m much more of one (a homebody) now than I ever used to be.