I consider myself somewhere midway on the spectrum—not overly negative and certainly not a walking ray of sunlight.
Although in recent years, I’ve gotten much better at becoming more tolerant, and a bit more positive than I ever used to be.
But here’s the bee in my bonnet, the bile that makes me gag—people who are overly positive ALL THE TIME.
I mean, c’mon, all the time? Really? Who can sustain that level of grandeur and glory?
No one, that’s who. Every single person on earth knows life can dish out a load of crap and slap you in the face with it. We all have been slapped. Of course, you can choose the high road and put a positive spin on the crap that’s dealt. Most times that’s what we strive to do, and should do. But sometimes in our darkest, loneliest, hurting hours the high road is extremely hard to find. And often completely out of reach. That’s when excessive positivity makes me gag.
It’s okay to be positive. To choose positivity. To not give in to your storms. I agree, and believe in all that—faithfully. I preach it often on this blog. But let’s get real about what’s real. Sometimes we ain’t feelin’ it. Sometimes no amount of positive words, deeds, or affirmations can jolt us out of our funk. The funk is relentless and raw. Determined to run its course.
Definitely, positive words and empowered phrases can feed a starving heart and heal a wounded soul. But sometimes it’s not words we’re wanting. Most times we just want the load of crap to just stop.
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Go away.
So we can breathe, live, laugh again.
Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes it has to just run its course.
Photo by Grant Cochrane
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I think at the core, what we really want and need in meaningful relationships is authenticity. When someone never shows their hurt, fear, disappointment, we question how genuine they really are.
I COMPLETELY AGREE, Julie! People who are overly positive all the time don’t seem genuine to me. You have to sometimes show hurt, disappointment, fear, etc. in order to be a relatable human instead of inhuman and out of touch.
I worked for a woman I’ll call the Queen of Mean and Misery. Evilena nicknamed me “Sunshine” and accused me of being fake because “no-one sane smiles that much.”
Maybe I was overly optimistic, maybe even a little naive. But that was me. It’s not that I was never unhappy. I chose to deal with it in my own way. Plus, I knew it frustrated her when she couldn’t make me angry. When I wanted to punch her lights out, I’d imagine myself doing that and smile even more. (Because sometimes I can be passive aggressive.)
The longer I worked for her, the darker my mood became. It changed me as a person. That’s when I knew it was time to move on.
The point of this long diatribe… I’m one of those shiny, happy people that folks sometimes find annoying. (In fact, I hope to someday run for president of the club.) 😉
Sometimes being positive is how we need to process the pain. And, yes, for the record, sometimes we do it, just because it pisses everyone else off. And that makes us even happier. 🙂
But you make an excellent point. We must be respectful of how others process their pain and frustration, too. That’s something I need to keep in mind. (And I’ll pass it on at the next Shiny, Happy People meeting.) LOL
That’s hilarious, Roxanne. The Shiny, Happy People meeting is one meeting that would certainly make me gag. Thank God you and I have connected on a more genuine level, otherwise you would’ve been one of those people I try to avoid. I would have pegged you fake/phony just like Evilena did. This is definitely why we’re warned spiritually and morally not to prejudge people.
However, the one key element I noticed in your comment, which makes me like you even more, is when you said, “I wanted to punch her lights out.” To me that’s human. That’s the true color beneath all the sunshine.
This is so great. I love this type of dialogue, and how you’ve shown us the other side of the coin. It’s makes me consider things I may not have considered before. And the valid point you’ve made for me is this: being overly positive is how some people process their pain. Which is a great eye opener because now when people appear too positive and fake, as if they’re above all the pain and madness, I can view it as their coping mechanism, instead of wanting to slap them silly. Thanks, Roxanne, for this wonderful exchange.
ROFL. So funny.
Thanks again for helping me realize that “perking up” and “seeing the bright side of things” isn’t the solution for everyone. At least not right away. 😉
Trying to force someone to deal with with life the way we would… I can definitely see now why that would be infuriating.
People who are extra perky all the time drive me batty, and to be honest, are a little scary. I mean, just what is lurking behind all that happiness?
D…. You hit us with “bile”????? That’s deep, sis. You certainly do sometimes have to let the crap just run it’s course.
Funny…..I used to be the extra positive one in the workplace. Well……it’s a bit different today. Let’s just say I drop a few 4 letter word bombs at month end. Gotta grow beyond that.
Melissa, it does make you wonder what is lurking behind all that sunshine. But as Roxanne said, maybe being overly positive is their way of coping with disappointment and pain. Even so, it’s still a bit annoying.
Starla, I had to take the bile route because you know I’m not all sunshine and roses. 🙂 And what’s with these explosive bombs at work. Tsk tsk on you, my friend.
First,I did not get my reminder. Sorry for being late. Anywho!!
Let’s just say I am really trying to stay positive on every area of my life. But you are right some days I just want to vent and scream!! Just like Starla said at work I just want to grab up some people and just shake them and say a few choice words. But I am telling you when you are around people that are not positive, it is a feeling that I can’t explain. It is like they suck up all your positive energy and you just want to run. You may not be able to always be positive, but it is way better then being negative. Peaceful:)
Sharon, I hear ya. Sometimes we all need to vent and scream. It can be very therapeutic. Also I think overly negative and overly positive are both horrible. Balance is needed. Too much of either, sucks.
Great thoughts, Demetria.
You know, I was thinking about overpositivity while reading this, and I think it hurts us as writers to try to achieve that all the time. Yeah, I’m an upbeat person, but all the time? That’s not the reality of the situation.
I explore the negative aspect of things too. Wallow in the feelings and experience them, then let them go. But I do allow myself to experience them.
I feel the hate, pain, anger, envy, and any other negative emotion and by feeling and working through them, they end up helping, sometimes, not negative at all.
If I didn’t feel them, I couldn’t convey them effectively as a writer. I love exploring the dark, secret places that we all go to sometimes.
ML you’ve made an AWESOME point for us writers in particular. We have to feel the hate, pain, anger, etc in order to convey them effectively as a writer. How can we depict accurate writing of those emotions if we spend ALL OUR TIME ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. Pretending we’re always Suzy Sunshine (or in your case, Sammy Sunshine :)).
I always have moments of wallowing in my negative emotions, but as long as I don’t get stuck there, I’m good. I can press on to the positive and be grateful for the negative.
Thanks so much for your insights. They are very valid and very true.
Okay, your title caught my attention. Now I just have to figure out how to follow… (damn all these buttons).
Welcome, Eureka. So glad you came by for a visit. I’ve seen you around the blogosphere as we frequent some of the same blogs. Thanks for stopping by.
Also, I completely understand about trying to figure out all the buttons. I feel that way all the time as I skirt around the blog universe.
I’ve been to your blog a time or two, but haven’t left comments. I guess it’s time I should.